Galaxy News

Los Angeles Galaxy Found Out To Be A Bunch Of Deliberate Late Show Masochists (VIDEO)

By Jo-Ryan Salazar
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Poor team can’t win. Music…start.

Happy Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, *hears the sound of a lewd scream, takes a deep breath* Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm, Palm Sunday on The View From Avalon, your Los Angeles Galaxy news source on the FanSided Network, where losing with style… *puts on shades*…is a state of mind.

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*in a Pat Morita voice* And so I muse…there is a disturbing disease pervading the camp of the Blue, White and Gold here in the Los Angeles suburb of Carson. The disease in question: losing in stoppage time on what peasants call…”Heartbreakers.” No, I do not talk about the Led Zeppelin or Pat Benatar style varieties that whippersnappers get off to, no, those are not the ghastly variety of heartbreak the View preaches of. It is the masochistic fetish for the entire Los Angeles Galaxy franchise to ravage itself ever so lewdly with very, very, very late goals because…they simply have no competent defense to prevent it in second half stoppage time.

O Bruce Arena, you do not seem to be the heralded, touted, reputable master that the brainwashed of the world cast you to be, is that so? Your student and protege (one of), Ben Olsen, the gaffer of the D.C. United Football Club, has usurped your standing. And now…you have been reduced a mere…grasshopper under the guise of The Master. At least until next weekend. Humbling, isn’t it? Oh yes.

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  • Composed, LA? Hardly. Deserving of a point, LA? Hardly. Skilled at hitting the woodwork even though points are not awarded for such an act that involves untold wastes of skill, LA? Definitely. Deserving of losing with style on the road, LA? You better you bet!

    "“We deserved to come out of here with something,” defender Omar Gonzalez told MLSSoccer.com’s Scott French. “Every single guy worked their butts off tonight, and it’s just disappointing not to leave here with a point. We let ourselves down at the end – a mental lapse – and you’ve got to give credit to D.C., who kept pushing, kept pushing.“It is what it is. You’re unlucky sometimes, and we just have to move on.”"

    Oh no, noble Gonzo of pure innocent cliche-infused naivete. You deserved nothing, and I’ll tell you why. Luck is never involved in sport in this unless you are talking about the balance mechanics of RNG-based games like Kantai Collection, or outright gambling, as seen in the parlors and dens peppering Las Vegas, Macao, Atlantic City, Monte Carlo, and [insert applicable Native American Reservation here].

    In soccer, proper positioning and skill wins close matches more often than not, and United’s Chris Pontius has the package, the attributes required to perform the late show torture. He nailed it. Same thing with Rodrigo Lopez, but that’s a different story, different league, different team…but, once again, the same premise. He nailed it.

    See, you don’t have to be heralded to beat Los Angeles, readers. You need the right skill and positioning and field awareness and let the Galaxy defeat themselves through their inate late show masochistic mojo jojo. And then you nail it. Whether it’s through heralded firestarters like Portland’s Fanendo Adi, or rank and file unknowns like Houston’s Nathan Sturgis, the Galaxy can and will be scored on because they are built, they are destined, they have a burning desire like a great ball of fire, to give up goals…in such not-for-television ways.

    Or, to put it differently…

    "“It’s just a breakdown,” said forward Alan Gordon. “They had a nice play at the end there, but I think that when we look at it, we can do a couple things differently. Kill the game off up front, hold the ball a little better, positioning a little bit better, and we come away with a point.”“We’ve got to accept responsibility for not coming off the field with a point,” said Arena. “We have to be responsible for how we played in the last 30 seconds.”“It’s the game of soccer,” said goalkeeper Brian Rowe, making his third start in place of Jaime Penedo. “Stuff like that happens, and I know we’ll learn a lot from this game and we’ll move on.”"

    Or not. The View’s Bold Predictions for Vancouver vs. Los Angeles will be off the presses this coming Wednesday, and there is no fooling around with these Predictions. We won’t spoil anything here now, but based on form, you can pretty much guess what we are thinking.

    Thus, in the meantime, soak up the unintended-but-really-it-was-intended late show masochism, Galaxy fans. And of course, readers. On any given weekend, any given day, anywhere, anytime, anyhow, anyhoo…this franchise will lose with style and carry out its game plans for unexpected-but-expected-anyway failure. After all, these types of defeats and comedic late show torture and heartache and heartbreak…were…Handcrafted in Los Angeles. The City of Champions Late Show Masochists.

    Keep it right here on The View From Avalon for more Los Angeles Galaxy news and current events. To masochism!

    Next: Sacramento Leave It Late Against LA Galaxy II

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